


My Love

by silverstardust



Series: Secrets of Beforus [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Beforus Culling (Homestuck), Betrayal, Culling (Homestuck), Delusions, Equius shows up once or twice, Ice Skating, Karkat's Trashy Romance Novels, Medical Trauma, One-Sided Attraction, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Political Marriage, Psychological Trauma, Running Away, Title Ceremony, Voodoo, history of beforus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 00:21:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverstardust/pseuds/silverstardust
Summary: “He’s quite attractive,” you admit to Equius, tracing the jaw of the prince in one of the photos. “He’s very aesthetically pleasing.”“Do not make that your only reason to say yes. You must truly think this over, fully.”“I’m just thinking aloud,” you assure him. “The prince’s blood, it says its a mutated red in his files. Surely they’re not expecting me to be his culler, too. That’s vulgar and perverted.”“Most certainly not. The jadeblood nurse and Lord Ampora are his cullers. It sounds as if they simply want you to be able to care for him in a quadrant sense.”You nod and set the pictures back down. “He seems like quite the exceptional troll. I think I’d like to meet him before I make a final decision.”





	My Love

Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and you are nine sweeps old. You are a culled troll. Your culler is a very nice indigo blood, named Equius. He’s very kind to you and he has raised you ever since he found you as a young feral troll in the wild. You’re very grateful to him, and you do your absolute best to make him happy. If it weren’t for your status as culler and cullee, you would almost consider him a moirail to you. But alas, such relationships between a culler and their cullee is seen as manipulative, and abusive, in all of troll society, and entirely considered as taboo. So you keep your pale leanings to yourself. It’s much better to leave that all as unspoken glances and touches, than to even utter the words aloud and risk someone finding out.

“Your tea, Nepeta.” Equius walks back into the living room from the kitchen, where he had been preparing tea. He sets a cup and saucer down for you on the small table, and you can smell the sugar and milk he’s already put in it for you. He knows you so well! You fold your hands politely in your lap, and leave the tea there for now to cool, so you don’t make a fool of yourself and burn your tongue. You want to show your visitor that you’ve been raised a smart and proper young woman, as to be expected from you as the dominant sex of the species. (Wow, did you just seriously think ‘dominant’? Okay, so maybe Equius has influenced you a little too much, but you don’t think you mind at all.)

Equius turns to the violet blooded seadweller in front of you, and gives a slight bow. “Lord Ampora, if it may please you, shall I fetch some tea for you as well?”

“Just black, thank you.” Lord Ampora has already made himself comfortable in the plush chair across from you. Equius turns and returns back to the kitchen to retrieve a cup of tea for Lord Ampora.

He turns his head to you, and you take the chance to quickly look him over.

Equius actually used to be a fur-skinner for the Empress’s Royal Hunting Party. That’s how he had stumbled across you. You were about two sweeps, so you don’t remember much, but you do recall fuzzy glimpses of the other members of the party. The Empress and Lord Ampora, her Grand Advisor, are ones you recall best. You remember he had been clean shaven, and face unmarred of scars, if not a couple gold piercings in his fins. But now, he has a jagged scar going across part of his face, and you know he’s blind in the eye it crosses over. You’re sure his bodyguards are now female, to cover the fact he’s less capable of defending himself if the attacker came from that side…

Ah, you’ve gotten sidetracked in your thoughts. It’s not like you’d ever dream of attacking Lord Ampora. But you can’t help but wonder who did, and where they were now…

“Quite the fine young lady you’ve turned into,” Lord Ampora muses. “You’re much a far cry from how you had been when we found you. I’d hope not all your strength was lost, you’d make a wonderful secret bodyguard, with how petite you are.”

You puff up your shoulders proudly, just in the slightest. “Not at all, Lord Ampora, I have kept up with some self defense training with Equius. I am fully capable of self defense, in the case it becomes necessary.”

“Good.”

Equius returns to the living room and offers a cup of plain tea to Lord Ampora. He takes it gratefully and takes a small sip as Equius sits on the opposite end of the couch as you, and then, they begin to talk. They do not address you at any point, so you don’t pipe in- a good cullee never speaks until spoken to. (Unless it’s an emergency of course, but that doesn’t count.)

“Your exceptional culling skills have been noticed by the Empire. The Empress is quite pleased with your work, and wants to graciously thank you for it. She wishes to show her thanks through an offer that would put you in a high, celebrated position, should the two of you choose to accept. Of course, if you decline, she would understand entirely, and would let you make a request of your own.”

Equius nods. “Thank you, Lord Ampora. May I ask, what is this offer?”

Lord Ampora glances to you, and your ears perk up as you pay close attention. This deals entirely with you, you suspect, with his glance to you.

“Recently, the young Crown Prince is quickly coming of age, and the Empress and I have decided to find a matesprit for him. We’ve gone through a couple of options, but we have decided Nepeta is a pleasing candidate. We’ve found Karkat takes a leaning towards the female sex, and we can derive from his choice of associates that he finds more interest in those with large amounts of liveliness in their personalities, yet those who also have a good head on their shoulders. The Empress took a liking to Nepeta’s reports the second she read them. But first- I understand that you have deemed her capable of living by herself when she turns ten in a perigee?”

“Yes, Lord Ampora. As of late, she has been making much of her own decisions, and practicing useful chores around the household. I expect that, with a gentle transition and someone to check in on her every once in a while in the first couple sweeps, she should be able to be fully functional living on her own, if she so chooses. If not, and she chooses to settle with a quadrant, she is fully prepared for such as of right now.”

“Then, if I have your blessing, I shall address this question to Nepeta.” Lord Ampora turns his head to you, and offers you a pale, cream colored folder that seems to have several documents in it. “After careful consideration, the Empress has decided it would please her for you to become Karkat’s matesprit. No matter what your decision may be, we shall respect it, of course. But this is quite a serious matter, and if I may, I would suggest you think it over for some time before you send your response. This is Karkat’s culling folder, and I’ve added a couple other noteworthy documents as well. You may look it over if you’d like.”

You stand and curtsy as you should when Lord Ampora stands to leave. “Yes, my Lord. Please, send my thanks to Her Glorious Radiance for this most gracious honor. I will think it over well.”

You lift your head only the slightest and glance at Equius. He nods discreetly- good, you said the right things.

Lord Ampora nods as well. “I will relay your thanks. Good day.”

You only sit back down after Lord Ampora has left. As you slowly drink your cooled tea, you open the file in your lap and go through the documents inside. One set of papers, neatly paperclipped together, is his culling files. Others are school reports, or written accounts of his accomplishments, or works he had written and published. There are also plenty of photos of him, some of him as a child, some of him as he’s older. You find yourself lingering more on the photos than anything else.

You start with the photos of him as a young troll. In a lot of the photos, he’s with a young jadeblood, who you assume to be his nursemaid, or Lord Ampora. In a few of the photos, he’s in a school uniform, that you recognize is from Beforus’s most prestigious military academy. He made a darling, cute little kid.

Some of the photos from when he was older show he either ended up leaving the school, or graduated early, because he looks about nine or so in his coronation photos. The jadeblood still pops up in photos every now and then, and she looks much older, so you assume you were correct about her being his nurse.

“He’s quite attractive,” you admit to Equius, tracing the jaw of the prince in one of the photos. “He’s very aesthetically pleasing.”

“Do not make that your only reason to say yes. You must truly think this over, fully.”

“I’m just thinking aloud,” you assure him. “The prince’s blood, it says its a mutated red in his files. Surely they’re not expecting me to be his culler, too. That’s vulgar and perverted.”

“Most certainly not. The jadeblood nurse and Lord Ampora are his cullers. It sounds as if they simply want you to be able to care for him in a quadrant sense.”

You nod and set the pictures back down. “He seems like quite the exceptional troll. I think I’d like to meet him before I make a final decision.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Remember, royal officials you must call by their title and last name-”

“I know, Equius. I’ll be good.You’ve been preparing me for this ever since you found me.” You gently reach out and squeeze his hand. “I won’t disappoint you. I promise.”

Equius smiles softly. The carriage comes to a stop, and the door opens. Before you’ve even gathered up your skirts to step out, a hand is offered to you, and you smile graciously.

“Thank you.”

Lord Ampora smiles before turning his head and addressing two trolls who seem to be walking in. One, you can tell, is Karkat.

“Karkat, the guest which the Empress wished you to meet has arrived.”

Karkat turns and smiles, heading back down the few steps and politely shakes your hand. “Ah, the Huntress. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

You cast your eyes to the ground as you curtsey and smile. “Please, my prince, you may call me Nepeta, if you wish.”

Lord Ampora steps next to you and places a hand on your shoulder. “The Empress has taken great interest in her. It would be in your best interest as well to become well acquainted with her.”

Karkat suddenly grabs the arm of the teal-blood standing next to him- his date for the ball, you assume- and glares at Lord Ampora. “I’ve already invited a date. You can’t expect me to simply abandon her before we’ve even entered the ball because of your political views-”

Lord Ampora growls, and you’re a little worried about an argument breaking out. “This has nothing to do with what the Empress wishes. It will be in your best interest to comply. And you will watch your tongue with me boy, before I lock you in your room for the night.”

You need to diffuse this situation.

You step forward slightly, drawing everyone’s attention. “If I may, your majesties- Karkat did not expect my arrival and planned as such. My caretaker who has accompanied me has no date, if you so wish it.”

Lord Ampora scowls, and he and Karkat stare at each other for some time. But then he turns and flicks his wrist. Karkat relaxes and turns, stepping inside with his date. You turn to Equius. “Did I do well?”

Equius smiles proudly at you, then links arms with you and ushers you in.

 

* * *

 

 

“You don’t seem very happy.”

Karkat’s scowl deepens just the slightest.

“I apologize if I’m not the best of company.”

His scowl almost immediately softens. “No, fuck- I’m not upset with you.” He pauses as he twirls you with perfect timing to the band’s music. “I promise. I’m just really mad with Ampora.”

Ouch. You wince sympathetically for Lord Ampora. Last name basis from his own cullee.

“So… I’m not unappealing company?”

“Okay, now you’re fishing for compliments.” Karkat cracks a small smile, and you smile back. “You look fine, if that’s what you’re so worried about.”

“No, just trying to make sure you’re not bored of me.”

“Nope. Just mad at Ampora.”

“May I ask why?”

Karkat’s scowl returns, but it’s less scary now that you know he’s not mad at you. “He just is. It feels like he never stops to think about others feelings. It’s always duty or what the Empress wants with him.”

“Ah.” You glance over your shoulder at the Empress and Lord Ampora, and it almost seems like the two of them are watching the both of you. You quickly turn your head back to Karkat. “When I was young, the Grand Advisor didn’t have those scars on his face, but now, recently, he has. I’m assuming that’s a result of one of those times, or…”

“Oh, no.” Karkat’s grin grows smug, predatory-like, and it makes a jolt go down your spine. “I did that, actually.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lord Ampora pulls you aside shortly before you leave the ball, into a private room. The Empress is already there, drinking from a flute of champagne. With a wave of her hand and a soft smile, she invites the two of you to sit down with her, which you do.

“How did the meeting with Karkat go, Nepeta?”

You smile at the Empress and look down to your lap. “It seems he’s a bit hesitant to open up about himself, but he seemed quite pleasant, if a bit vulgar.”

Eridan scowls and mutters something about soap and Karkat’s mouth.

The Empress grins at you. “Yes, he comes off like that to many people, until he opens up to them. He can be extremely sweet. But let’s have a girl-to-girl talk, yeah? Ignore Eridan here. Tell me what you really think! We gotta be friends and trust each other if you find favor in him and end up in a matespritism with him, after all.”

You blush and giggle back. “Well, in that case- I do know he’s extremely cute. And I kind of like his bristley attitude! It reminds me of a rough general who’s a secret softie.”

The Empress giggles with a hand over her mouth. “You’re not that far off, actually. So, over all..?”

“I don’t think I would mind being his matesprit.”

“Wonderful!” The Empress clasps her hands together and flashes an utterly brilliant smile with needle sharp teeth. “Eridan and I will start preparations right away. I knew you were the right choice for Karkat. You are invited to come and visit whenever you like, my dear.”

You curtsy as you stand up. “Thank you, your Highness. I will be sure to pick up that offer.”

 

* * *

 

 

“He’s just down here.”

You follow Karkat’s nursemaid- you’ve learned her name is Kanaya- down the steps to the knight’s courtyard. “He graduated early from the military academy for a… variety of reasons, so he often keeps himself busy with the Royal Knights and their pages.”

“Lord Ampora told me he did graduate early, but I was never told why. Is it alright if I ask?” You turn your head to Kanaya.

Kanaya puffs her shoulders up proudly. “From an extremely young age, Karkat was exceptionally well with strategy planning. He’d derail war meetings and come up with better plans than our generals. So he was already above his grade level…” Her smiles falters slightly. “But then there was an assassination attempt. Someone lit the left wing of the dorms on fire, near Karkat’s room. He went back in to help other students, and a teacher he was close to died trying to get him back out.”

You silently watch Karkat chase a couple of pages across the yard playfully, brandishing a wooden sword. A couple of the younger pages trail along at his heels.

“Karkat continued his studies here, in the safety of the castle courtyards,” Kanaya continued, “He got training from a threshecutioner, he was adamant about becoming one. And he became the Head General of the Threshecutioners last year when the previous general retired. It’s caused.. Some disrest among some of the threshecutioners, as some only see him fit for reproducing a female heir but.. He’s bested all of them when they’ve challenged him, so things have been going smoothly ever since. I’m proud of him.”

“Mother.” Karkat walks up the steps and kisses her cheek, taking the towel she had been carrying and wiping his face with it. “Lunch already?”

“If you’re hungry, dear.” Kanaya turns and walks back inside. Karkat follows her, so you follow them as well. Kanaya turns her head slightly to you, and offers, “Will you be joining us?”

You nod to her question, and she begins setting a table for three people. You sit down as Karkat fights with his sweaty tunic, pulling it off and taking a fresh one that a servant offers to him. (You depravedly think, only for a moment, on how you want to lick his abs before you banish the thought.) Karkat quietly thanks the servant, and sits down next to you as the chef helps Kanaya set out plates of fresh food.

“Did you come here because you wanted to, or because Lord Ampora forced you?”

“Karkat!” Kanaya warns, but he rolls his eyes and stabs a pepper with his fork.

You blush lightly. “Ah, I rather liked your company at the ball, so I thought I’d come visit.”

“That’s the answer I’d prefer to hear. People are much easier to be around when they haven’t been ordered to and come by of their own free will.” Karkat points his fork at you for emphasis, as a servant brings out a pitcher, checking everyone’s drink with a rune before leaving.

“What was that for?”

“Glows yellow if it’s poisoned.” Karkat gives an over exaggerated sigh as a cupboy taste-tests his drink. “Seriously? It’s just tea! The rune didn’t go off!”

“There are people who would not hesitate to kill you or me, Karkat.”

“You’ve never tested it that much before!”

“Don’t raise your voice in front of guests,” Kanaya repreminds him, and then, much quieter, says, “Poison was found in the Empress’s glass last night.” Karkat huffs but falls silent. Kanaya smiles softly. “Thank you for ceasing to argue. Now. Why don’t the two of you go to town later, and enjoy yourselves?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Karkat?” you whisper, “There’s a goldblood following us. For some time now.”

“Huh?” Karkat glances over his shoulder. “Oh, don’t pay any mind to him. And don’t acknowledge him. He’s supposed to trail me around. Although usually it’s the female one…”

“Can he hear us?”

“Can’t say for sure, but he’s a psii user.” Karkat turns slightly and leads you into a hole-in-the-wall bookshop. “Hold on, this is my favorite bookshop. Do you mind if I-?”

“Take your time.” You smile sweetly at him, and he grins back as he disappears behind a couple shelves. There’s some armchairs near the front, so you gather up your skirts neatly and sit down in one. After a minute, another chair scrapes across the floor, and the goldblood who had been trailing you sits down in the opposite chair from you.

“Don’t mind him. His Highness gets his rocks off to poorly written, steamy, trashy romance novels.”

“I do not, Sollux!” Karkat shouts from across the store. You giggle softly, covering your mouth with your hand.

“You do to!” The goldblood- Sollux- hollers back.

“Choke on my bulge!”

Sollux snickers, and you can’t help but blush at the vulgarity. You quickly try to change the topic.

“The two of you seem quite relaxed here,” you comment. “Has this place been deemed safe?”

Sollux shrugs and waves his hand. “Not like we’d be able to stop him from coming here if it wasn’t. They’ve got a huge romance section and that attracts him like a dog to steak. But it’s owned by a retired script-keeper for the Empress. He gets regular checks- not that he’d betray the Empire.” Sollux turns his head and shouts to behind the counter. “Oi! Xigisi! His Royal Pompous Ass is here!”

Karkat emerges from behind a shelf, kicking Sollux in the shin as he steps to the counter. A blueblood scurries out from the back, wiping ink on his apron, and helps Karkat with the two books he’s selected. Karkat eyes you for a second.

“Nepeta, is there anything you wanted?”

“No, thank you.” You stand up and dust your skirts off. “Although, there was a cute looking ice cream shop down the street. How about we head there?”

 

* * *

 

 

“Good evening, Miss Ampora.”

Kanaya nearly drops a basket full of laundry. “Oh! Good evening. If you’re looking for Karkat, he should be in his room. He wasn’t expecting any visitors tonight, so make sure you’d knock. He might be reading one of the novels he acquired this morning from the library. Any particular reason for visiting tonight?”

You shake your head. “Ah, well, the Empress does want us to be friends, but she said we’re allowed to visit on our own terms. I felt like coming tonight. Thank you.” You turn and head up the stairs of the West Tower, to Karkat’s room.

The lights are on, and the door is partially open. You head over to it, resting your hand on the doorknob and glancing in through the crack and.. Oh my.

There’s a pile in the middle of the room, in full view. It’s clearly made of high quality blankets and pillows, and Sollux, the goldblood from a week ago in the city, is reclining in it, messing with a holograph projecting from his high-tech glasses. Karkat is.. Also reclining the pile, with his head draped in Sollux’s lap. His eyes are closed, and he is physically, utterly relaxed, as Sollux runs his claws gently through his hair.

You stare silently through the crack before you step back, and shut the door as quietly as possible. It’s definitely not your place to intrude, but you’re glad that… piling, seemed more pale than flush. You turn to leave, and start walking down the hall when you hear loud movement from inside.

The door slams open loudly, making you flinch and turn around. Karkat’s standing in the doorway, hair disheveled and breathing slightly heavily.

“What are you doing here.”

“I came to visit. I didn’t mean to interrupt, I apologize.”

Karkat grabs your wrist and pulls you into the room, shutting the door behind the two of you. Sollux folds a last blanket and puts them away before quickly leaving the room.

“Nepeta, you need to listen to me. You can’t tell anyone what you just saw.” Karkat grips your wrist tightly.. “No one. Ever. This knowledge goes to your grave. You can’t. Tell.”

“Karkat, it’s none of my business if- if I may presume- you have a moirail or not.” You pull your hand out of his grip. “Besides, who would I tell who would not already know?”

Karkat sits down on his bed and runs his hands through his hair. “That’s the point, Nepeta. No one knew. Not the Empress, not Lord Ampora, not any of the servants, not even my mother. No one knows but you. I’m not supposed to have a moirail. You can’t tell anyone, can’t let it slip.” He makes a pained face and looks up at you. “Nepeta, if you care about me, you won’t tell anyone.”

He’s

He’s blackmailing you.

He knows you have an attraction to him and he’s using it against you. And you tell he feels guilty about it, because he looks horrible.

“You’re blackmailing me.”

Karkat winces, but he nods. “Yes, I am. Please, you have to understand how important this is to me- how important Sollux is to me.”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone even if you only asked me not to,” you assure him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Karkat? What are you doing here?”

Karkat shrugs sheepishly at the doorway of your shared hive. Sollux, standing behind him, gives a quick wave to you. You step aside and let them in, and Equius pokes his head in from his office before returning to his work.

“Do you need something?” you ask.

Karkat shakes his head. “Terezi’s gone on a trip, I was going to invite her to the Snow Ball in a few days, but she won’t be back in time. So I thought maybe you would like to come?” Karkat sits down on the couch next to you. “Is that alright?”

“You cross your arms. “I suppose, but where is it? At the castle again?”

“Sort of. The courtyard lake froze over for the first time this sweep, and it’s thick enough for skates, so we’re holding it there.” Karkat smiles slightly. “There will be ice skating.”

“That seems rather childish for a ball.”

Karkat shrugs with a wide grin. “It was my request. I love ice skating, so I batted my eyes and said ‘please’. It always works with the Empress.”

You laugh slightly. “I see. Should I learn this technique as well?”

“If you want, but I can’t guarantee the effectiveness.” Karkat playfully nudges your shoulder. “But you should come! It’ll be fun.”

“I suppose I can go, can’t I, Equius?”

Equius doesn’t remove himself from his study, but talks loudly so you can hear. “I don’t see why not if His Highness holds such high regard for you, as a possible fiance.”

Karkat’s smile slowly falls. You bite your lip before smiling at him. “I’ll come!”

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s pretty.”

“I love the snow,” Karkat agrees. The two of you are dressed up in warm clothes, and Karkat’s mantle is draped around your shoulders as well to keep you warm. Karkat leans against the ice rink wall, attaching blades to his boots before crouching down and helping you with attaching your own skates.

“C’mon, I’ll teach you.”

“Only if you catch me if I fall.”

Karkat chuckles as he steps on the ice, taking your hands, and holding you steady. ‘There you go, easy, easy-!” He places his hands on your waist as you stumble, to steady you. You blush lightly and giggle.

“It’s like gliding on roller skates, okay? Not that different at all! You’ll pick up on it easily enough.”

You grin and spread your arms out to keep balance. “Thank you, Karkat. I’m sure I’ll get it quickly with you helping.”

Karkat grins and begins teaching you how to glide along the ice. His touch is warm and comfortable. You feel like now is the best time to tell him. You’re sure he’ll be happy.

“Karkat? I’ve been considering the Empress’s offer. Well, the Grand Advisor’s offer too.”

Karkat’s eyebrows furrow together. “What offer?”

“I’ve thought a lot about it and I’ve carefully considered the offer. You’re really attractive and you’re such a wonderful troll, with a great personality and a wonderful sense of humor, and I want to accept the Grand Advisor’s offer and become your matesprit.”

Karkat’s face falls. He quickly jerks away from you and backs up.

“Karkat? What’s wrong?”

Karkat quickly scrambles to get away. He sheds his blades when he reaches the edge of the lake and runs off, leaving you desperately calling for him and stumbling on the ice. You fall, and nearly crack open your jaw on the ice.

 

* * *

 

 

“I was afraid this might happen…” The Empress sighs softly, and sits down at the tea table with you. “I’m sorry, my dear, it seems we have perhaps mislead you.” She turns her head to Lord Ampora as he tests both of your cups with a rune. “Thank you, Eridan.”

“What do you mean?”

The Empress gives you an apologetic look. “We haven’t told Karkat we were looking for a matesprit for him. It was going to be an arranged matespritship, which is why he reacted so negatively. You know how he is with his romance novels- he probably was wrapped up in his idea of finding true love, but it simply isn’t safe for him to do so. It would risk his safety.” She folded her hands together. “However, I genuinely believe you are still a good match for him.”

“So, he was more upset with the circumstances, and not me.”

The Empress nodded. “There have been other nobles who have asked for his hand in matespritship that he’s reacted better to, in different situations. I promise, he does think quite highly of you. His reaction is due mostly to shock. However, if you decide to change your mind on our offer… we won’t be upset.”

You trace the rim of your cup. “I really do care for Karkat. If you’re so certain, I’ll still accept your offer.”

 

* * *

 

 

Karkat becomes a little more standoffish with you after that. He’s got a little bit more of a cold shoulder at first whenever you visit him, but he slowly relaxes until up to the time you leave. You believe the Empress is right. It will only take Karkat some time for the shock to wear off for him.

 

* * *

 

 

You’re just arriving to the castle as the Royal Hunting Party arrives in a frenzied panic. You quickly jump out of the way as Lord Ampora and the Empress, with Karkat propped up between them, rush into the building, and quickly hurry after them.

You arrive at the infirmary just as Lord Ampora is pushing the Empress out of the room. The Empress looks quite shocked, and Lord Ampora has a fountain of violet blood dripping from his neck. One medic quickly rushes Lord Ampora to another room to care for his wounds.

“Your Highness? What happened?”

The Empress sighed softly, and leads you away. “I’m so sorry you had to see that, there was an incident… Come, why don’t you have tea with me while we wait for news from the medics? And then you can go visit him, if his caretaker allows.. She seemed quite enraged at the moment.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Miss Ampora, may I come in?”

Kanaya is sitting on one of the infirmary beds, with Karkat resting his head on her shoulder as she rubs his back. You step inside and close the door behind you.

“He’s asleep,” she informs you tiredly. “Not that it matters. His mental stability has returned to that of a grub’s. He hasn’t spoken a word, only chirrs and chirps, and seems to be delirious.”

You nod and sit at one of the tables. “I’ve been told no one knows what happened to him?”

“I’ve been informed he became separated from the group and was found later covered in his own blood. My suspicion is he ran into something. He keeps using the grubsqueak for “danger”, “predator”, and “hurt”. Whatever he saw… it was something he could not comprehend.”

“That’s pretty much what I was told as well.” You look to Karkat and sigh softly. “If you need any assistance, I am happy to offer it. The Empress wants to see if I can get Karkat to speak about the incident.”

Kanaya scoffed. “It might be months before he talks again. But I won’t stop you from trying. You’re welcome to help as you’d like.”

“Thank you, Miss Ampora.”

Kanaya stands up and gently lies Karkat down. “If you don’t mind, dear, I’m going to make some stew and see if we can get him to eat. If he gets sick again, there’s a bin to the side. I just emptied it.”

“Alright.”

Kanaya gives you a soft smile before she leaves. You move and sit on the edge of the bed, next to Karkat. He sleeps peacefully, probably only because he’s passed into unconsciousness by now. You gently stroke his hair and hopes he doesn’t wake up, so he can get some rest.

 

* * *

 

 

Karkat’s awake when Kanaya brings in some soup. You take it from her and shoo her to to bed, so she can get some rest of her own. It’s daytime now, and you don’t know how long she’s been up. You turn to Karkat, and since he’s still so terribly weak (what a poor, pitiful thing he is, he needs someone to protect him), you end up feeding him yourself.

“Is there anything you wish to talk about, dear?”

Karkat glares at you and chitters angrily. You sigh softly.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to yet, but I am here to listen if you decide you want to. I won’t push you, but I think it will help you to share.”

Karkat snaps his fangs near his fingers warningly, and you quickly pull your hand away. “I’m sorry. I will drop it for now.”

 

* * *

 

 

You step out of the infirmary and close the doors behind you. It’s been about two days since the incident, and Karkat still hasn’t spoken a word. You feel like you’ve failed him, and the Empress, but there is nothing more that you can do. You simply hope they won’t be mad at you.

“I apologize, but he refuses to say anything about it to me, I’m afraid,” you bow your head to the Empress as you speak. “I am aware it’s only been hours since the… incident, but I believe he won’t be willing to relinquish what happened to me. He has only been silent to my presence.”

The Empress wrings her hands together. “That’s fine. He probably does not wish to frighten you anymore than he already has. We should retrieve a therapist, or a psychologist.”

A teal blooded legislacerator steps forward- Terezi, you think her name is. “I have a doctorates in psychology and proper certification. And I can also write the legal write-up if he needs medication. If I may, your majesties.”

The Grand Advisor glares at her. “Absolutely not! I know what you are trying to do, you vile temptress-” She recoils away from his finger as he steps into her personal space and points his finger into her face. “I will not allow you to even step into-”

“Ampora, enough.” The Empress’s voice waivers slightly as she speaks up. “He could be suffering severe psychological trauma right now. Would you rather let him suffer alone because of a suspicion, or let him have immediate care?”

The Grand Advisor bristles and stalks out of the room. The Empress sighs softly and ushers Terezi into the room, closing the door behind her.

“I apologize,” you offer again.

The Empress shakes her head sadly. “No, it’s fine, my dear. If not you, I’m sure his mother will coax something out of him.”

 

* * *

 

 

You spend most of your time relaxing in the library, reading a few books Karkat had recommended you before. You are at the castle a lot though, always waiting to hear more news about Karkat’s recovery. Equius doesn’t mind, and you’re quite glad.

“Where are the law books.”

You jump up from the chair you were relaxing in, and nearly throw your book in startlement. “Karkat! You should be resting!”

Karkat ignores you and starts rifling through the shelves of the Royal Library. “The Beforian Law books. Where are they. I need them.”

“No, what you need is rest! You’ve been severely injured, and I’m sure you still have that black gunk in your system-”

He pushes your hands off of him when you go to grab his shoulder, and snarls at you, pulling three books off of the shelf. He moves to another shelf and starts taking books from there too.

“Karkat, the Empress said-”

“The Empress said, the Empress said-!” he mimics you in a high pitched voice. “Gods above and their deities! Do you ever shut the fuck up?! All you ever do is whine!” He turns to you and growls again. “You have never once done a single thing for yourself! You just sit there and everyone does everything for you! You’ve got no purpose in life but to be an exotic playtoy! Unlike you, I’ve got a damn job to do. A purpose. A role to fill! You’re only hear to see me because the Empress told you to!”

Karkat begins to storm out of the library, but pauses at the doorway, not looking at you as he speaks. “You amount to nothing. And if you think that’s desirable, you are horribly wrong.”

Karkat storms out of the room. Kanaya (when did she get into the room?) gives you an apologetic look before following Karkat out.

 

* * *

 

 

“Nepeta! I’m glad you made it!” The Empress smiles at you and takes your hands, squeezing them tightly. “I heard about what happened. I’m sure Karkat didn’t mean it, his caretaker reported he was in a delusional state. I’m certain he didn’t think it was you, but rather someone else. After all, he’s still got gunk in his system, and it’s affecting his stability still.”

You gently squeeze her hands back. “I know, but I’ve also been thinking about what he said. Even if he was not in his right mind, some of what he said was true.” You smile slightly at her. “If I am to be his matesprit, I should be able to be of service to him, even if that is not what is typical in our society. But I should learn more about Beforus, and its laws, so I can serve as an Advisor to him. I want to be of purpose to him.”

The Empress grins. “Oh, what an excellent idea! His Titling Day will be soon, it would be wonderful for you to start as one of his assistants for that day. Oh!” She clasps her hands together. “We should announce your engagement that day too! It’ll be so lovely.”

You grin back at the Empress.

You love Karkat, with all your heart. You want to have a purpose for him, so he’ll love you too.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s towards the end of the celebration that the Empress beckons you over. You follow her to the balcony, and stand beside her as she draws everyone’s attention.

“Thank you. Today is a joyous day, with our crown prince having finally received his title-” Applause breaks out, so the Empress pauses until it dies down again, and then continues. “And I would like to use this celebration to deliver even more joyous news. After months of considering it over and receiving the opinions of others, and have come to a conclusion met with positive results. As is my duty as Empress to ensure the happiness of my assisting cabinet, I would like to announce the engagement of The Chimeric and The Huntress.”

You smile and wave politely as the Empress steps aside. After a moment, Lord Ampora steps to you and places a small, golden ringlet around your head. You curtsy to him, and you can hear applause once again. You scan the crowd for Karkat, and smile when you spot him. But your smile drops quickly.

He has the most heartbroken look you’ve ever seen.

“He seems calm today… why don’t you go visit him?” The Empress suggests.

You nod to the Empress and leave the tea table, to head to Karkat’s room.

He’s been locked in his room since his Titling Day a week or two ago. He’s been alternating between rage and depression, it seems, and you’ve finally realized- been told- that the teal blood he was around so much, Terezi, had been his matesprit in secret. It hurts to know that, to know he was with her while you were… But you try to ignore it. It doesn’t matter now, after all. He is your matesprit now, And it is your duty to care for him in whatever way you can.

You think deep down he cares. He strikes others with no hesitation, but he has not even uttered a threat to you or Kanaya. You know if you give him time to mourn, he will come around.

You gently knock on his bedroom door. “Karkat? It’s me.”

“Go away,” you faintly hear him say miserably. You sigh and let yourself into the room, sitting on the side of his bed.

“Darling, you’ve been in your room for quite some time now. How about we take a walk in the courtyard? I’m sure the Empress wouldn’t mind.” You gently place your hand on his back.

Karkat keeps his head buried in the pillow.

“Karkat…”

“Leave me alone!

You sigh softly and rub his back. He’ll come around. He has to.

 

* * *

 

 

“Kanaya, are you alright?”

She looks horribly pale as she walks down the corridor to retire for the day.

She startles, nearly jumping out of her skin. “Oh, gods! Nepeta, you startled me!” Kanaya gently placed a hand over her heart. “My apologies. It’s nearly time for- for me to feed. I’m afraid I lose control of my glow and complexion when that happens. I haven’t been particularly paying the best of attention to it…”

“You may feed from me, if you like.”

Kanaya quickly shakes her head. “No, no, it’s fine. I have… particular tastes! I’ll be alright. I’ll alert Eridan when I retire for the day.”

Karkat is missing the next day. You’re absolutely sick with worry. You go daily to the Church of Light and pray to the Goddess of Life, and the Deity of Rebirth, that he will be alright.

It’s been five months since he’s disappeared. Kanaya has now recently disappeared as well, along with Sollux, Karkat’s guard. There are rumors of rebellion, of an army growing in the south. You’ve started praying to the Mirthful Messiahs as well.

 

* * *

 

 

“Looks like the little kitty is all up and motherfuckin’ crying.”

You turn your head as someone (tall) sits next to you in the pew. You recognize him as Duke Makara, head of the Church of the Mirthful Messiahs. (If you remember correctly, his title IS the Mirthful.)

He grins lopsided at you. “What’s got ya down, pretty kitty?”

You turn your attention back to the flickering candles on the altar. “I’m still worried about Karkat. It’s been months since we’ve seen him, and there’s so many horrible rumors, we can’t tell what’s true…”

Duke Makara hums thoughtfully. “Well, does the kitty wanna find the blasphemous motherfucker?”

“Of course I do. I’d do anything to get him back.”

“Anything?” Duke Makara repeats.

“Anything,” you affirm.

Duke Makara gives you a wicked grin and touches your forehead.

“Sleep, kitty bitch. Sleep.”

 

* * *

 

 

You are in a warm darkness. Your name is… is… You can’t remember your name. Did you ever have one? You don’t think so.

The darkness is warm and comforting, wrapped around you in one inky blackness that sometimes flashes purple. You haven’t felt this comfortable since you were a grub. Were you ever even a grub? You don’t know.

The darkness is comfortable. You let the purple flashes lull you back further into sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

There is a piercing pain in your abdomen. You gasp awake, and lurch forward.

You can remember. You name is Nepeta, Nepeta Leijon. You are The Huntress, and engaged matesprit to Karkat, yes, but he ran away…

Karkat

Karkat is standing in front of you, a sickle of his buried deep into your stomach. He’s got gashes near his eyes, curving around them, and you can tell he was oh, so close to being blinded by whoever caused it. There are some stab wounds in his arms, and in his chest, but thankfully, none of them look to deep.

You choke on your blood and drop the knife you were holding- you- you were holding a knife? Why were you holding a knife and- oh, oh gods, it’s stained red, imperial red, like the color of Karkat’s blood- What happened? You would never harm Karkat, you love him, you couldn’t ever harm Karkat-

You crumple and collapse to the floor. You can do nothing but gurgle on your own blood and stare up at Karkat, as your eyes slowly close. You don’t know what happened. You can’t remember, you can’t- your name, you can’t remember your name again-

The darkness comes back, but this time, it’s cold.


End file.
